


Solitary Friendship

by AzuraJae



Series: Study of Souls [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Can be interpreted as anything tbh, Character Study, Family, Gen, Heavy Angst, Keith-Centric, No shipping here, Oneshot, Platonic Relationships, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 11:02:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7571656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzuraJae/pseuds/AzuraJae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Only the solitary know the full joys of friendship. Others have their family, but to a solitary person, an exile of life, friends are everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solitary Friendship

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not truly part of a fandom until I write some angsty stuff, and so, it was about time I contribute to Voltron.
> 
> I really love Keith and just so curious about his backstory and relationship, so I just started writing. I had to retry writing this several times to get it done the way I wanted. This fic is more of a character study as I dive into what is going on in Keith's head as he goes through his difficult life as a Paladin Voltron. Most of these are my headcanons and not real, so take with grain of salt. 
> 
> Thanks to Beta Readers: Pix (pixothepixel), Candy (kumihomiko), and Alphie (alphatoronado). All of these lovely folks can be found on tumblr, so do check them out!
> 
> So without further ado, enjoy the story!

Keith used to always like being alone. It wasn’t because he disliked other people or that he hated socializing. At the time, he didn’t quite understand what hanging out with people really meant. Honestly, he couldn’t care less and he was content with being alone. Being in solitude was in his nature, and quite frankly, he always seemed to end up alone anyways. Besides, it was very peaceful.

No one at the Garrison seemed to like him anyways. There seemed to be a barrier between Keith and everyone around him. Keith soon noticed that it was the Garrison’s doing. Whether it was being unnecessarily reprimanded for a little mistake or being praised so excessively highly that it was an invitation for other cadets to bear the crown jewel of jealousy on his head. They were driving him into isolation.

“It’s for humility.” One of the instructors said, after Keith challenged him. “Which you, have little of.”

Inwardly scowling, Keith knew that it was nothing more than a scam to make him more easy to control. He was a diamond in the coal mine, and knew that his skills were highly valued in the Earth Military. The only problem was getting him to listen, and Keith was having none of that. He was sick of being treated like something they had to control.

He would carve his own path, not by someone’s rules, but on his own.

Keith wouldn’t listen to anyone. He didn’t need anyone.

Or at least that was what he thought.

“Hello there, Cadet, my name is Shiro.”

Keith had hesitantly shook the hand held in front of him. One of Earth’s greatest pilots and one of the most respected people at the Garrison. At first glance, Keith could have just mistaken him for just another instructor, but there was something different about this man. This person’s nature drew Keith towards him, like the warm glow of a fireplace on a harsh winter. Despite believing that he could very easily fare by himself, there was something about this pilot that easily quelled Keith’s fiery turmoil.

Perhaps it was just his personality, but Keith knew that this person was unlike any other person he had met in the Garrison, maybe in his entire life. Shiro did not treated him differently than all of the other instructors. Instead of treating him like a loaded weapon, Shiro treated him like any other cadet, maybe a little nicer.

Shiro would praise him only when he did things right, but when he made a mistake, he would correct them - not the demanding harsh tones of the instructors, but in a kind manner. In a way, it reminded him of how parents would treat their kids, so he thought; he didn’t really have personal experience to compare it with, but he did listen to other people’s stories of their families back home. Supposedly, just like a parent, everything Shiro did was to help him improve.

After trailing after Shiro like a lost puppy, Keith embraced the idea that everyone needed a friend He felt a certain kinship with Shiro and was willing to do anything he said. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought. For the first time, there was something in his life to work hard for. Keith felt like he belonged to a family - albeit a small one, with just one person. It didn’t matter though. Family was family.

His temper improved and he started to finally enjoy life at the Garrison. Instructors were surprised over the fact Shiro was able to hold that much influence over him and even some cadets started to warm up a bit to him, but Keith didn’t care much. For a solitary guy like him, finding a friendship like he had with Shiro was the real diamond in the coal mine.

For a while, he thought it’d be okay to be around someone. For a while, Keith had begun to enjoy the times of hanging around with other people. For a while, he creaked open the doors to the outside world.

And.

... the bubble burst.

At once, Keith realized the true dark side of the solitary. He now understood why people hated feeling lonely, and he was cross at himself for allowing this to happen, knowing that if he had simply ignored Shiro’s handshake that it would never happen, but at the same time wanted to experience having friends once again. It finally seemed to give warmth to the emptiness inside. Shiro was irreplaceable and he knew that. There would never be another diamond that could give him the thing he wanted the most - a friend, a family.

Shiro was a talented pilot and would never allow a simple thing like an error to end his life and all crew members aboard. He was simply too smart for that. Keith’s gut instinct told him told him that it was impossible. Something else was a factor in all this. _Something else._

After experiencing the dishonest behavior of the Garrison before, Keith was not new to the idea that foul play was afoot. It would be easy for the people in such a high standing to cover something easy as a entire crew of pilots disappearing on a mission. With no one to make him consider his options, Keith confronted the headmaster of the Garrison with a desire to find the truth. He barged in the door, eyes shining with determination - and anger.

“ _Liar._ ” Keith accused, approaching the headmaster. Keith put his hands on the desk and shoved his face closed into the older man’s face.

“Liar? Liar of what, _cadet?”_ He said the last words as if it was a piece of uncouth garbage.

Keith scowled. “Don’t play dumb, do you think I’d be stupid enough to believe the Kerberos Mission was a failure?” He responded venomously, his eyes boring evenly back at higher power.

The headmaster squinted his eyes before crossing his arms. “It was pilot error, Cadet. Everyone makes them, it’s just that this one caused the mission to be the failure.” He paused for a moment, before making a shooing motion. “Now get out of my sight before I decide trying to reform you into a legendary pilot was a bad idea.”

After he heard these words, Keith snapped, grabbing the edges tables in his hands. He could feel the wood began to splinter.

“I’m not some fancy pawn in your controversial schemes. Not a ploy for you to test the waters of the unknown.” Keith lifted one hand and pointed at the headmaster’s face, right in between the eyes.

“Neither is _Shiro._ ” he spat. Keith wasn’t even sure what he was saying, but the words tumbled out like a raging waterfall. He leaned closer, threateningly flexing his fingers into a fist.

“What happened out there? There was no way that was just a stupid error. _Something_ is out there, and I bet _you_ know exactly what I’m talking about.” Keith said, baring his teeth aggressively as he grabbed the headmaster’s coat roughly.

The next thing Keith knew, he was being brutally restrained by several guards. Even though his reflexes were sharp and he was able to knock a strong one into one of them, the guards were simply stronger and grabbed his arms to keep him from escaping. Keith had been forcefully been subdued; his arms tangled painfully behind his head, held together by a firm grip. One of the men had a hand over his mouth to keep him from shouting, but Keith glared at the headmaster with all his might.

He frowned and for a moment, he looked like he was going to say something important, but he waved his hands. “Remove this nuisance from this facility. He is hereby expelled from the Garrison for Disciplinary Issues.” Keith growled and the older man looked him in the eyes. “It’s a shame, we could have used your talent.”

He paused, before putting his elbows on his desk, intertwining his hands with each other and looking at Keith seriously.

“Just like Captain Shirogane.”

The Garrison doors had slammed in his face, with nothing more than the knapsack he was sent here with. Checking inside, there were a few pieces of ration bars, and a bottle of water. Keith scoffed. So they weren’t entirely heartless, but honestly he couldn’t have cared less. It would be excessively cruel to send out an orphan like him out into society with nothing in hand. No, the Garrison had to keep it’s reputation at max.

He would most likely been expelled for disciplinary issues, because that was the most believable thing for a talented cadet as himself to be suddenly kicked out. Keith had been on good behavior, even after Shiro left for Kerberos. Out of the blue being booted was suspicious and it was incredibly unfair for them to find the loophole to get him expelled. However, Keith knew that he had caught on to something that he shouldn’t have.

Other cadets were easily swayed and easily gave into the idea that the Kerberos Mission was a failure. The Garrison had to get rid of anyone who had got a whiff that perhaps something was wrong.

Although frustrated, Keith realized that he really couldn’t do anything. Logically, he couldn’t really sneak back into the Garrison for more information. He just wasn’t really well equipped for breaking in and doing some convoy. If he had gotten caught, who knows what the Garrison would do to him. As an orphan, they could easily snuff out his existence much easier than the other cadets who had family back home. No one would look for a child no one wants.

Also, he wanted to be as far away from this hellhole as possible.

However, Keith had never felt more lost - and alone. Without the guidance of a friend and snobbish instructors controlling his whim and will, a new world opened to him. For the first time in his life, he had realized how insignificant he was in the miles and miles of desert and rocky terrain. The Garrison had only occupied a fraction of a vast wonderland.

Without a moment to lose, Keith mounted his hovercraft that he had hidden in the outskirts of Garrison territory and had wandered into the endless stretch of dust and sand; until he finally found himself drawn back into the world of solitude. Once again, he felt the resonance with solitude. Like a moth to a flame, Keith had willingly pulled himself into a world where only he seemed to exist - trying to push the memories of his friendship of Shiro aside. He couldn’t have his feelings cloud his judgement.

Pining for a lost friendship was not going to solve anything. Memories fade no matter how much they hurt.

Keith had found refuge; In a small abandoned dusty shack, walls worn down and all. The broken fence suggested that it used to be some sort of research area, possibly abandoned after the experiment was finished. Lingering remains of equipment and books remain, left as a reminder of the experiment.

A single tree existed, peeking it’s leafy branches around the cabin’s corners, perhaps, as a reminder that Keith wasn’t alone as he thought. It was a miracle in itself it managed to thrive there all on it’s lonesome.

Water was scarce. Only by the well at the back of the house as Keith able to drink his fill. But even then, it took almost ten minutes to even draw out the murky odd-tasting water from the depths of the dark well. There was hardly any trace of wildlife except the few dry skinned lizards and hungry vultures that often circled by - waiting for the next living being to fall victim to the harsh elements of the desert. This of the planet was an utter wasteland, forgotten by the rest of the world. The only words spoken were of the wild dust storms that swept up tiny rocks into it’s elaborate dance - knocking against the tiny structure.

Keith rarely spoke either - it was as if one word could ruin his quiet, solitary life. There was no need to speak, when all there exists is a miracle tree and dusty books. Nothing could disturb the solitude. Keith was determined to figure out what happened to Shiro, but with time, the idea faded and he came to terms that he really was alone this time and that Shiro had moved on to join wherever his parents were.

However, after a while, a perplexing bout of energy drew him to start searching for something. It had lead him to exploring the caves and observing strange rock formations and drawings. Remembering his time back at the Garrison, supposedly, there wasn’t supposed to be anything out here, but the desert and eventual death. However, here the structures and drawings were, as bright as day.

Keith couldn’t explain it, but it was as if - out of solitude, a voice had called out to him. To be specific, it wasn’t _exactly_ words, but more like really faint ideas that kept bouncing around in his head - telling him that something was out there, and that it needed someone. His instinct told him to keep searching. He collected the ideas on the rickety billboard in his tiny shack, living on few hours of sleep on the faded leather of the creaky couch.

WIth the haunting memories of the Garrison, Keith hid his research and findings behind a sheet, making sure that everything he found was hidden from their eyes. Although he didn’t have enough to make a conclusion, Keith was sure that maybe this had something to do with the Garrison’s secret. There had to be. He’d look for it, even if he forgot the original purpose of finding the truth; Keith would look until the ends of the earth.

Would that then be a purpose for his existence?

Keith was sure he wasn’t crazy, there was a mysterious force at work. Otherwise, why would the cave paintings and the formations be there? He refused to even consider the idea that perhaps, the solitude had gotten to his head and he craved the idea of friendship.

He was just solitary by nature, and that was final.

Nonetheless, it was frustrating, being unable to locate this strange energy. It was like trying to find something that didn’t want to be found. He kept being drawn to one place, but it always lead to a dead end. The energy seemed to tell him that they needed someone, but it wasn’t him. Keith was annoyed at this idea. If it had called out to him in the first place, why didn’t it want him around? The energy kept telling him that someone was coming and _they_ would find it - not him.

Keith didn’t understand until about a month later, he was startled awake by something crashing into the desert. He had burst out of his old house, nearly ripping the rotten wooden door off it’s hinges.

Keith looked at the direction of the explosion and his gut immediately told him that he should go towards it. Following his instincts, he sped off towards his the explosion on his hovercraft.

“Shiro?”

For a moment, Keith couldn’t believe his eyes. Right in front of him was the person who he had almost deleted from his memory in the past few years, was it years? He had lost track of time. Anyways, his heart jumped for joy, and he was eager to rescue Shiro from the evil clutches of the Garrison and finally get some answers.

That’s when three bumbling idiots happened to come by. At first, Keith was terribly confused by the appearance of what appeared to be three Garrison cadets, but he didn’t really care. All he wanted to do is to get Shiro out of here. Shiro would surely figure out what to do. So they tagged along, something inside told Keith not to leave them behind.

The weird energy was telling them _they_ were here.

So they were.

**-~*~-**

Being dragged into a galaxy adventure was one of the last things Keith considered that could have happen, but here he was, out saving the universe as one of the Paladins of Voltron. Keith was the Red Paladin, and pilot of the Red Lion. For the second time of his life, he had felt something lodged in his heart.

The Red Lion wasn’t exactly a living being, but he felt at peace knowing that it was around and that it was okay. It was like having a shadow that followed him and watched his every move. They had a rough start at first, Keith couldn’t quite make the connection as easily as the other members of Voltron, but he got there.

Shiro had been there to steer him on the right path.

Speaking of Shiro, Keith was elated that he was given an opportunity to follow Shiro once more. Granted, he didn’t really like the idea that he had to cooperate with other people, but Keith understood that these other people were imperative in their quest to defeat Zarkon.

At first, Keith was unsure how to really interact with them. It had been quite some time since he had interacted with other beings properly. He had forgotten the few social cues he had learned back at the Garrison with Shiro and had to relearn them so Keith could handle them. Of course, he had butted heads with them, especially with Lance. Actually, to be accurate, he had butted heads with all of them. Except for maybe, the strange and otherworldly aliens known as Allura and Coran.

Even so, Keith found their noisiness and energy to be oddly comforting. They were different than Shiro, who was more of a stable pillar for him to cling to when the going gets rough. Though he did not contribute in their shenanigans as much, Keith understood that they had unique characteristics. Somehow, they filled the emptiness in him, the emptiness Keith had never bothered to notice.

The only thing Keith could describe the relationship as, was siblinghood. It was a new experience for him, and despite his oddities, he found himself assimilating into this newfound relationship quite nicely. It was almost if, he had found a family. It was strange at best, Keith knew that family meant that they should be related by blood, but Keith couldn’t help feeling that he was part of a really strange, but happy family.

A small part of him warned him, that this could easily be taken away from, just like the first few times in his life. However, Keith didn’t bother to heed the warnings. Just being around Shiro and the other Paladins, his life just grew more comfortable. He had chances to lean people and have people lean on him. It was a whole new exciting experience that Keith couldn’t quite explain, even to Shiro.

He was happy to have them there. Keith was glad to be part of a team. To have his ‘shadow’ and his ‘family’ by his side.

For a solitary person like him, Keith was quite surprised that he managed to change this much thanks to other people. Frankly, he was quite happy with this change, and hoped it would stay that way. That he would get a chance to open his doors once again.

But the tiny voice questioned him.

Would it?

**-~*~-**

Keith woke up to a pounding headache and a painful throb in his chest. Immediately, when he shifted, a forceful cough forced his way out his mouth and found himself spitting out something that colored his hands red. His throat burned and chest shrieked in response; but after gulping the still air he managed to calm his coughing.

The Paladin wiped his mouth with the side of his hand, squinting and breathing heavily. After his eyes adjusted to the darkness, it took him a moment to realize that he was sideways. In the Red Lion’s pilot seat no less. In an uncomfortable position, he impulsively opened his seatbelt and found himself tumbling off the seat onto his side, which did not help the terrible throbbing in his chest.

He found himself spitting blood again, before groaning and pulling himself into a seating position. The paladin swallowed in attempt to lessen the pain in his throat, but it only made it burn and his chest protest. Keith hugged his chest and took a deep breath before, grabbing the wall and dragging himself to his feet and limping towards where the light shown.

Keith’s head was heavily muddled, as he aimlessly wandered out of the cockpit, barely managing to squeeze through the small opening of the Red Lion’s mouth. When his eyes greeted the sight of the environment around him, a familiar wave washed over him. Familiar, but gut wrenching.

Rocks and stone stretched from the great beyond, far as the eye can see. It was different than it was on Earth, it felt much dryer and lifeless, but the resemblance was uncanny. Part of his heart squeezed painfully as he took in the details of what was around him - which was nothing. No sentient life, just the wind howling painfully in the empty reaches of this deserted planet. It was almost as if it had been abandoned by life itself.

Keith looked around and saw the Red Lion behind him, it’s mouth slightly ajar and laying on it’s side. Some of the lion’s claws were torn apart and there were multiple dents and other whistles scattered amongst it’s metal body. Dust had started to coat parts of the metal beast, suggesting that they had been on the planet for a long time. Looking around, there were skid marks on the rocks nearby, suggesting that they had crash-landed.

“Wormhole.” Keith breathed, recalling what had happened.

The last thing he had remembered is fighting Zarkon before getting saved by Shiro. He wasn’t quite sure what happened, as his comm had started to malfunction after being tossed around by the Emperor of the Galrans for a while, but Keith figured that something wrong had happened to the wormhole. After that, he had been sucked up by the whirling typhoon and is unresponsive lion sealed the deal that they would end up crashing. Keith wasn’t quite sure when he lost consciousness though, maybe during the wormhole.

Keith turned towards his Lion, who had undoubtedly took the brunt of the crash landing and although Keith wasn’t really faring the best at the moment, the Red Lion was definitely worse off. The metal beast wasn’t really sentient right? But why did he feel such a soul crushing pain wafting off from it.

He absent-mindedly reached out a hand to touch the metal beast’s nose gently, brushing his swollen fingertips along the dented metal. Recognizing his touch, the Lion hummed quietly, the cracked eyes flickering to life. For a moment, Keith locked ‘eyes’ with the Lion, before the humming abruptly stopped, and the yellow light in cracked eyes finally flickered out.

Keith waited for the lights to return back on.

But they didn’t.

In that moment, Keith felt something in him had been sliced off. Like someone had killed something important inside him. He touched his chest, gaping at the lost of something important.

His shadow was gone.

Sucking air through his teeth, Keith felt an indescribable pain in his chest, not physically, but deep down inside to where his heart was. As the whole situation started to sink in and the heavy hole in his heart, Keith fell callously onto the harsh, uncaring ground and breathed heavily. He was encountered with a familiar situation. Forcefully ejected from where he thought he could find peace - both times not understanding anything.

Keith cursed under his breath, clutching his hands against the cold stone.

He was really alone.

Shiro wasn’t here, his ‘family’ wasn’t here. Even his shadow had seemingly flickered out of existence.

In his cold realization, his stomach began to churn and Keith wondered if he was going to throw up.

Just when Keith thought that maybe it would work out for him, and that he wouldn’t have to be so solitary. It was too quiet. Where was Lance and his constant pestering? Pidge and her technical jargon? The kind nature of Hunk? Allura and Coran, the strange alien guideposts? The strong stable support that was Shiro? His loyal, but temperamental shadow, the Red Lion?

Keith grabbed the sides of his helmet on his head and closed his eyes, his breathing getting steadily more ragged.

Suddenly being alone, didn’t feel as good as it was before. He didn’t like this.

The silence had never sounded louder.

Then again, silence was the loudest scream.

 

 

 

So he was screaming.

**Author's Note:**

> Season 2's trailer killed me.
> 
> So I'll just kill my feelings.


End file.
